For as long as I can remember I’ve watched other people live their lives in what seemed to me to be a logical sequence…you know…growing up…doing what’s expected and “next”…going to college…maybe graduate school…getting married…having a family…working or not working…maybe having several jobs…always that observation of what I decided was growing and progressing…ah yes…progressing.
Today I get the giggles about what “progress” is.
That being said, I assure you I DO get a sense of accomplishment when I complete something…could be serving a meal I’ve made…teaching a class…completing a package of sessions with a client,…reading a book…completing a fiber painting….writing a proposal…putting together a plan and then accomplishing it…. In the past, upon completion, I would’ve thought, “Ok, what’s next?” And sometimes…even before completion…I would’ve said, “OK, this isn’t working,” or “I’ve had ENOUGH of this!”
Today I seem to have less and less a sense of finishing anything. And I have less and less judgment about changing my mind about doing something.even if I made a commitment to do it…for business or pleasure. For me, I see what I call the “feeder thread” as it moves beyond the previous choice I made into the next whatever…seamlessly. It’s not like I know what’s next is next. And it’s not like only one thing is next! Life just is…that thread or energy that seeks and expands my horizons…like a worm moving along…wherever it goes…always reaching and choosing and reaching for something else…taking me in whatever direction I choose for today. It’s become less about “do…do…do” and more about being…being me… in wherever and what ever’s happening…more easily.
That’s not to say I don’t have ideas of things I would like to do…would like to experience…accomplish. I’ve always been a dreamer. It’s just that being IN whatever I choose…moment by moment…deep in the chaos…with the capacity to shift, change, and do different…has brought me to a more conscious and aware life and, for me, it’s ever more delicious.
Bottom line? I’ve never been one to move along the straight and narrow. Whimsy and curiosity have been far more interesting. Even in my darkest moments where there were no financial supports and society’s judgments flew in my face to the contrary of what I was choosing, they’ve lead me to choose, and in ways I never would’ve imagined would bring me to where I am today.
Such is progress!