Lately I’m remembering when I first left the practice of law. Instead of welcoming the space and allowing the universe to work with me, I rushed toward what I was sure was my calling. In retrospect I realize I just couldn’t stand the space. (It’s a little like a person who talks all the time because they can’t stand silence…don’t recognize its usefulness.) I thought I had the answer to everyone else’s ills (literally). I had put together a data base of alternative health care professionals from all over the country, thinking, for example, if you had carpal tunnel on the west coast, you could call my company up and find someone who had a modality that would address your concerns (short of surgery). Truth? I thought I had the answers…I was big on right and wrong and answers being a lawyer :)
Time passed. I DID have a data base of 7500 professionals from all over the country that DID believe in my mission (at least filling out an 8 page questionnaire about their business was a good indicator). The only problem was that I didn’t have any money to market this. And so my data base (and I) sat…and sat…and sat…. People still called asking for my assistance in their personal and professional divorces. I still worked with them…I just didn’t go to court.
One day, as I stared at the 10 filing cabinets filled with data, it occurred to me that (here it comes…are you ready?) Nothing could come into my life. There was no room. I was tighter that tight! I thought one had to keep order and control a business. I thought the less chance for chaos (or at least disruption of my plans), the better. And then I said to the universe, “I’m done…I get the message…this is going nowhere…If I would like something else to come into my life/business, I have to empty out.” And empty out I did. In one day I threw out the contents of all10 filing cabinets. Whew! Scary…a little…but it felt so GOOD (light)!
Well as I live and breathe today, while I do like useful order, I am more and more comfortable with chaos, yes CHAOS. And I find the more I empty out…create space…I can be less afraid of chaos…even find it useful…well…think about it (not too much)…I’ll bet your life doesn’t go forward in a straight line any more than mine!